She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
