there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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