i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
