Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize