: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize