"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
