dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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