I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
