He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
