I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said her name was "party"
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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