I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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