Umm I'm too high to move.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
