Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize