i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
