just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
