Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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