Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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