I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
