the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
