im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
