Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
