Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize