So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
