Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
