4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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