cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
