I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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