nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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