glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize