eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
