I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm passing your future prison.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
