Someone shit on the floor
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
