Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
