Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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