I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
