If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up backwards on a recliner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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