he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
