Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
