My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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