at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
