True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
