BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
