Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
