yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
