remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize