im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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