I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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