how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
