Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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