dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
