Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
