Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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