I cockslap morals
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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