She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
