I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
In America we eat man semen.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
