Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
