He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
