When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
