All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
