Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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