If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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