The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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