can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize