my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
