i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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