I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize