drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
