You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
