I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
