FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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