God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
