She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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