Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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