And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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