somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
