just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
