false alarm. still invincible.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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