i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
