did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
