It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
